


You Don't Got This

by Skyeec2



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Back on the pale JohnGamz train with me, Gen, Minor Epilogue Spoiler, clown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 01:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyeec2/pseuds/Skyeec2
Summary: You are one John Egbert and you're now the custodian of a displaced murder clown.This is going to go so very very wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the only thing i'm taking out of the epilogue is that pale JohnGam is a ship I enjoyed once and wanna curl into again. Expect absolutely nothing in the way of additions to this thing until they come cause I'm a tired bean with many things I'm already doing.

You don’t know how to deal with the guy you’ve suddenly got yourself looking after, you know how you got to this point so that doesn’t really need to be thought about much, also thinking about that hurts your head so you don’t really want to? Anyways you’ve got to focus on the weirdo, he’s not going away anytime soon, no matter how much you wish he would or how much you monologue to yourself about things deemed unimportant and meaningless.

No John, back to the clown, don’t take your eyes off him, he might do something… terrible again. Terrible like, clinging to the back of your shirt like he’s scared you’re just going to disappear on him and leave him to figure out what to do with himself in this entirely new, peaceful world you’ve just dragged him out of his timeline into, fresh from his fridge prison, well your fridge but his prison, still in that disgusting fake god-tier outfit. But you’re not going to do that, on one hand that’s a terribly cruel thing to do and you’re a hero and therefore not a terribly cruel individual, not really at least.

And also you don’t want to risk leaving him on his own in case he does go on another murder rampage and oh god one of the carapacians, delightfully simple things you love those easily-swayed little dudes, just waved at him and he fully flinched into you. No. No that’s not cool, what the actual fuck. The stupid murder clown is not allowed to do stuff like this no.

Look, you’re just going to focus on getting him into a bath ok. He stinks like sweat, tears and something that might be sugar or might be blood, you don’t know what clown blood is supposed to smell like, ok? Please just, someone who knows more about clowns please come rescue you.

Please?

…

You knew that wasn’t going to work. No use hoping around a Rage Player, as unrealised as Gamzee is.

You’re just gonna, take him to your place you guess? Where’s the handbook for how to deal with people you pluck out of their timeline into a new one? You could really use a few pointers right now because Gamzee hasn’t actually said anything and he’s just looking around like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop and you know what? Maybe you are too! You would really like to know why you even decided to bother with this!

Karkat’s not gonna be happy when he hears about this. Or maybe he will be, fuck if you know anything about that guy’s emotional state. Which yeah, a lot of that is your fault you know it, but still.

At least Gamzee doesn’t put up much of a resistance to you guiding him away back to your place, one good thing about him being near-catatonic you suppose. Everyone you pass stares at the two of you though, which yeah, yeah you’d stare too if you saw some human leading a troll decked out in purple and a codpiece standing much taller than himself somewhere.

Stupid different alien biology, even after ten years you’re not as tall as…

Oh.

Oh you pluck Gamzee out of a timeline some years before this one, oh fuck you’re so much older than him how old was the clown when he was in the fridge? 16? 17 human years? That’s still a kid.

You look back at him, meeting his eyes for a second before he startles and ducks his head away, grip tightening on the back of your shirt, neck bared in… yeah no you’re not thinking about the clown offering you his throat so you won’t hurt him, that’s sad, that’s sad and pathetic and no. No you’re not having that today.

His eyes were still grey though, the barest hints of purple in them giving away him being on the cusp of adulthood by troll standards and you know what?

No. No you don’t want to think about all the fucked up shit you’d all gone through before you’d even been allowed to finish growing into yourselves, no because that’s depressing and if you’re going to let yourself wallow in your depressive funk you’re at least going to do something with the clown first.

Just, just focus on getting home, throw him into the shower and deal with things from there John. You can do this. You’ve got this.

You don’t got this. You don’t got any of this.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok. No actually not ok, this is very much not ok.

You just want, you just want to get the stupid clown clean, ok? It shouldn’t be so hard. Why is it so hard? Why is everything being so difficult for you right now, it’s not like you really deserve it.

You’re being really nice to Gamzee actually, considering he’s such a weird clown fuck and he murdered his friends for… some reason, you never really learned why he’d done it and you know what? You actually don’t want to know right now. You just, just want him to smell like something that isn’t the worst thing in the world.

That’s all your simple heart wants.

You don’t know why Gamzee doesn’t want that, but he doesn’t, he’s just looking between you and the bathroom like he’s not actually sure what’s going on around him and you know what? He actually probably doesn’t because you haven’t really explained much of anything to him, haven’t really said anything to him at all since you told him to follow you back to your place. Huh. That, that would probably make things go a bit easier exactly.

In your defence though, most people when presented with a kinda-stocked, fairly messy bathroom and smelling like Gamzee does after what he’d just been released from will usually give them an idea of what’s expected of them. Just, not this brain-decayed clown you guess. Not your fault at all.

“You should get in,” that didn’t sound awkward at all, great job Egbert, you’ve got this how to talk to creepy murder clown thing down pa –

“Wouldn’t it be better outside?”

What?

“What?”

Gamzee’s shifting on his feet, arms crossing over his chest and looking in your general direction but nowhere near where you face or eyes are, which is so very weird to see from someone bigger than you. Vertically at least, this guy looks like he’s never had an actual good meal in his life, what the fuck is wrong with Gamzee? Great now you’re obligated to feed him out of concern over his lack of anything over than skin on his bones.

Not that you weren’t before, you were definitely planning on feeding the clown. With food you definitely had in your fridge and cupboards. Yes. You were a responsible adult that knew how to complete the adult activity of groceries and –

John Egbert you’ve been ordering take out and eating leftovers for breakfast for the past seven years everyone knows it. No need to pretend anything else. Gamzee’s not going to judge you. Especially not since he’s started worrying his bottom lip with his mismatched fangs and you should probably focus back on him now, you probably haven’t missed anything of major importance while considering the state of your non-existent pantry.

“… don’t gotta drag  a body out that way, yeah?”

Nope, couldn’t even catch a break here. You rub your hand over your face, pushing up your glasses so you could get at the tension and pressure between your eyes.

“Can you, say that again for me? I didn’t quite catch that.”

If the clown would stop trying to make himself smaller each time you said something to him that would be great right about now.

“It’d be easier if ya put a motherfucker to water outside, that way when ya done ya don’t gotta be draggin his motherfuckin corpse outta ya hive, ya know?”

…

The clown thinks you’re going to drown him in the bath.

No, nope, no John Egbert has had enough excitement for today. You went outside and talked to other people for the first time in a long time and now? Now Gamzee thinks you’re planning to drown him, that you brought him all the way back to your place so you could have some privacy to do him in and how fucked had Alternia been? You really aren’t prepared to handle any of this right now, you have no idea how to respond to that.

You’ve got to try though before you go collapse into your bed and suffocate yourself properly.

“No, no I’m not… Not going to murder you or anything, just… Just get yourself fresh and clean alright? I’ve gotta go lie down for a minute.”

Whatever this all is? Yeah you really hate it right now.


End file.
